Subjective (adj.)- based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions.
Objective (adj.)-expressing or dealing with facts or conditions as perceived without distortion by personal feelings, prejudices, or interpretation
If a well-informed third party was to examine the at time contentious relationship between the parents of youth athletes, and those youth athletes’ coaches, then they would easily determine a huge breakdown in communication. This breakdown is could easily be resolved by honest and forthcoming dialogue in which the coach and parent both understand how their being objective and subjective without any recognition or communication of that fact is creating a divide that only harms the athlete.
Every parent believes or wants to believe their child is the best at their chosen sport and will eventually earn the Division 1 Scholarship they were born to achieve. The reason for this belief is because parents naturally view their children from a subjective point of view, even if that point of view is inaccurate. There is nothing wrong with that belief when it’s grounded in realism. As a matter of fact, I would question any parent who did not have a huge amount of faith in their athletes’ abilities. However, the issue arises when a parent allows their subjectivity to infect the team, as they try to pressure the coach or coaches into giving their athlete a position or spot based on personal opinion. This is a common occurrence in youth leagues all over the country and is one of the biggest reasons the term “Daddy Ball” has become such a common term. Their refusal to view the team from any lens but a subjective one can cause problems.
The majority of coaches choose to or are forced to view the team from an objective lens. Either by choice, design, or in some cases their livelihood depends on it. When looking at a team from an objective lens the coach is determined to put the team on the floor/field that provides them the best chance to win. Understanding in cases of daddy ball the vision gets blurred and to a coach in that situation subjective and objective opinions are the same. The objective viewpoint can still be problematic if a very important aspect in the Coach/ Player and Coach/Parent Relationship is overlooked.
That aspect is communication! Parents, Coaches, and players need to openly and honestly communicate with each other regarding issues and concerns. However most prefer to leave in comfortable silence, rather than hear or speak uncomfortable truths. While sometimes unpleasant uncomfortable truths have to be spoken in order for the player to develop and grow.
However, coaches need to be mindful on how they provide this feedback. One of the best examples I ever heard was a coach tell a parent who was upset their child did not make their local high school basketball team and called to yell at the coach. After the coach heard the parents’ concerns, frustrations and verbal abuse. He calmy stated everything the kid was good at to include polite, respectful, and smart. Then he ended it simply by saying “but they are not one of the 12 best basketball players in the school.”.
It is up to the coaches to clearly define expectations and reality from the beginning of the season and provide a written criterion of expectations of his players. There is an old saying that goes: “no one cares how fast you threw ball four.” Meaning if a player cannot meet the basic performance expectations, then they cannot do the job. However, parents will continually look at their children with bias and subjectivity which in turn can lead to complaining and dissension is coaches will not openly communicate to these parents the expectations required for certain roles, and remain consistent in holding themselves to those expectations.
